Enough is enough
No more feeling scared, no more putting up with financial and emotional abuse, no more being unhappy because of someone else’s control over mine and my child’s life. We deserve to be happy too!
A year later she decided to move to a city she had wanted to move to for years. By this time Eliza was 10 years old, and Brie had been planning the move for a while. She was reluctant to move away from her family as a single parent but, she wanted to do what made her happy.
As she took her time to prepare herself and Eliza mentally and financially, they experienced a challenge. Eliza’s father seemed to be getting worse. When Eliza visited for one of the holiday breaks early in the year he behaved badly, treated Eliza poorly, prevented her from participating in a program she needed to attend virtually once per week, and prevented her from using the phone.
Eliza was so upset when she returned home. Her mother asked her what she wanted to do, and Eliza shared she did not feel comfortable going back to visit his house and did not want to speak with him. Brie respected her daughter’s wishes and ceased all communication with her father until Eliza expressed she was comfortable again.
To protect herself and her daughter, Brie decided a month later that the best time to make the move was sooner than later. She began a more comprehensive search to determine the best options for them both and was living in their new city in no time.
While in the new city, Brie tried to repair the relationship with her father by sharing her and Eliza’s concerns and frustrations with him, she gave him an ultimatum and ensured he understood. Brie does not want her daughter to have a broken relationship with her father, but once again, none of that is within her control. But she has been doing her best to advocate for her child in the best ways that she could while maintaining their peace and ensuring a happy life for themselves. Of course, he argues and points fingers, the conversation goes nowhere but ends with Brie asserting her requests.
Eventually, Eliza agreed to start visiting and speaking to him again, but did he change? No.
Eliza began visiting again, and each time she did, he did or said something to upset her again. Fortunately, Brie’s decision to teach her daughter to extract lessons from her negative experiences, and reframe them has empowered her daughter to maintain her happiness without other’s intervention. All this has come at a cost for Brie though. Her mental wellness has declined for years because of the constant exposure to these and new stressors in other areas of her life.
Overwhelmed by conflict
Brie has been experiencing some challenges at work. She has a new supervisor who is difficult to communicate with. The supervisor misunderstands and is offended by everything and doesn’t listen well. Brie has worked with the organization for years in fact since she and Eliza moved to their own apartment a few years ago, Brie has been working with the organization and has never had an issue. But now there is conflict almost every day. Brie is terrified to lose her job because of course she is a single parent.
Eliza has also been making some poor decisions since the new school year which is unusual for Eliza. Her grades have been suffering, she’s lying, and doing sneaky things that she has never done before. Eliza is now 13 and Brie has thought maybe it’s a new developmental stage, or could it be something else, like the influences in her school. Eliza began experiencing challenges with well-behaved great friends that she has had for years. There is a new teacher with whom Eliza has become very close.
Brie is uncomfortable with the fact that the teacher shares information with the children that Brie does not share at home (for specific reasons), the teacher also encourages the children to do things that are not in Brie’s opinion “age appropriate” and has contributed immensely to a shift in Eliza’s focus regarding interests, and choice in friends, and communication with her mother. Brie has been seriously considering homeschooling Eliza, but how can she do that and efficiently maintain all her other responsibilities without negatively impacting her mental state?
Eliza’s father has also been a major source of stress for Brie over the last year. He has decided not to send any child support because he can’t speak with or see Eliza and is blaming that on Brie. As usual, Eliza visited him for the previous summer, but he did something to upset her now Eliza has decided not to speak with him and Brie is yet again caught in the middle.
A few years ago Brie’s single income was sufficient enough to withstand not receiving child support payments, however over the years, with rising inflation, rental costs increasing, and the cost of food increasing, losing this additional stream of income has made it extremely difficult to manage Brie’s financial responsibilities leading to additional stress. A lack of a solid support system does not ease this heavy burden.
The past year has been an increasingly stressful one for Brie and it’s begun to take a toll on Brie’s health. She’s noticed that at times she has difficulty focusing, has racing thoughts, has difficulty calming down, feels shaky, cries regularly, feels sad for long periods, sleeps more, avoids others’ company, feels unmotivated to do things she usually does, is regularly irritable, doubtful about the future, and has a loss of appetite. She has noticed recently that she regularly thinks about “getting away” or “escaping” her many responsibilities by leaving or sending her daughter away to live with someone else. This is concerning for Brie as she has not thought these things before about her daughter, and has not experienced many of these feelings before, like not being able to calm herself down.
