New discoveries
Despite all the fun times they were having, after their move, Brie discovered that Eliza was confused about herself and disliked herself because of certain comments her father would make about her and certain parts of her body. Eliza also shared that she is frustrated by the way her father behaves when she is around him and that he makes negative comments about her mother, says things that are not true, and calls her mother disrespectful names. Eliza shared she was uncomfortable in that situation and felt upset but didn’t know what to do.
These new discoveries helped Brie understand more now why Eliza seemed so distant. Brie knew that Eliza has always been a happy child and it made no sense to her why she was so grumpy at times, and despite years of trying to get Eliza to share what was on her mind, there was no success. Brie felt disappointed because the exact problems she had worked for years to prevent were happening. Brie knows that leading by example is necessary and has practiced that at all times as a parent, but sadly she has no control over what happens when her child spends time with her father.
Brie has spent years trying to communicate her and Eliza’s concerns with her father, but he refuses to hear what is being said, understand it, and make changes, all he does is argue, and blame Brie for his wrongdoings. He stops sending money when he chooses and does not communicate important information. At one point Eliza shared that she had thought dying would be better than having to deal with the chaos of spending time with her father, and not knowing who to listen to and that if her parents couldn’t get along she doesn’t know what she would do.
Brie knew this was serious and that she needed to take action now. She asked Eliza if she was comfortable sharing some of her concerns with her dad, Eliza said yes so Brie immediately called her father and attempted to explain to him the concerns and find solutions, but as usual, he dismissed everything that was shared, blames others and it all becomes a big argument that produces no results.
Brie decided to have more regular conversations with Eliza about her concerns, learn and teach some healthy ways to handle her stress, and ensure that she created a safe environment for Eliza to share anything she needed to. Despite the challenges with Eliza’s father, Brie consistently reassured Eliza that her father loves her and that he has some challenges he needs to work through, she encouraged her to learn from his mistakes and based on what she learns from him, choose friends in her life that contribute positively to her maintaining her peace.
Eliza’s perspective shifted, and she became more relaxed and happy. She became the Eliza her mommy once knew.
Unfortunately, her father was still a challenge. Brie has always vowed to do what is best for her child, despite the challenges and she has followed through with this promise she made to herself.
Eliza has always spent time with her father, whenever he asked no matter what the challenges between the two parents were. But he insisted that Brie kept her from him because Brie enrolled their daughter in educational and social programs on the weekends. Even when he has the address and knows who to call to pick her up when she is finished the program.
Brie has tried having conversations with him about saving for Eliza’s education, since birth, and even scheduling a mediator to guide conversations. He has knowingly put his daughter’s health at risk, multiple times, but still blames Brie. Eliza spends whole summers with him every year and never returns home with her hair combed, washed, or even any new clothing, shoes, or anything else.
Because Brie is fearful that Eliza won’t have her father in her life, or she won’t get child support due to her lower income status, she avoids saying much just to keep the peace and ensure basic needs are consistently met especially since she does not have that much support.
Brie decided though, enough is enough.
